Heliophobia
by imacow
Summary: Sometimes Coby feels he's chasing the sun. [Coby Centric] [one-sided Luffy/Coby] [one-shot]


**Title: Heliophobia**

 **Pairing: Luffy/Coby (one-sided)**

 **Rating: T**

 **Genre: Angst**

 **Summary: Sometimes Coby feels he's chasing the sun**

 **Date: 9/24/16**

 **Author's Note: hehe just something I wrote on a whim**

* * *

 _Heliophobia: the fear of the sun, sunlight, or any bright light._

* * *

Coby wasn't really expecting the question.

"What made you want to be a marine?"

Luffy laid down on the ground, with his head resting on his arms. His eyes watching the night sky sparkle. It was times like these that Coby loved the most. Where they end up on the same island by coincidence- _or fate_ -and they could get away from their responsibilities. His as a marine and Luffy's as the captain of one of the most notorious pirate crew sailing the seas. Where they could just lay down together and just be in each other's presence.

Coby didn't know when his admiration for Luffy turned into something more. When he stopped looking at Luffy as a man he wanted to be to a man he wanted to be _with_. At every moment. Of every day. Maybe it was after their reunion at Water 7. Where Coby realized that he still had a lot of catching up to, that he was still so far behind, that Luffy's smile was so _goddamn_ bright.

"I don't really know," he finally started not looking at Luffy, "It was just something that's always been a dream. A way to get away from my island and see the world and to do some good in it."

When he finished talking Coby stole a glance at Luffy's direction. Where he was greeted by a look that Coby never seen of Luffy's face.

 _Did I say something wrong?_

But before Coby could ask what was wrong, Luffy started to laugh.

"Damn, I wish you wanted to be a pirate instead. That way you can be a part of my crew!"

Coby couldn't help but smile at that. Even if in his head he couldn't help but think how funny that Luffy would want someone like him on his crew. To be part of that close knit group. To be part of that family.

At that moment Coby wanted to say something. Anything.

 _Me too. I wanna sail the seas with you. I wanna be a part of your crew. I wanna be with you. I love you so goddamn mu-_

But Coby couldn't help but keep his mouth shut about those thoughts. He couldn't say those things. He made his choice, hadn't he? He had chosen the World Government over Luffy back on that small island in the East Blue. Plus, there was still so much he wanted to do. He wanted to fix the corrupted system in the navy. He wanted to bring back the values that the navy once upheld so proudly.

Protect the innocent. Protect those who can't help themselves. Be a voice for the people.

And he couldn't do any of that if he just decided to run away with Luffy. He had a responsibility, didn't he? Yeah, he did. He did.

 _That's not true. You're just using that weak ass excuse. You're just too scared. Too scared to admit your feelings. Too scared to-_

"Coby?"

Coby suddenly looked up at Luffy. He was so engaged in his thoughts that he forgot he wasn't alone.

"Y-yeah?" Coby finally replied shakily

 _pleasedontaskwhatswrongpleasedontaskwhatswrongpleasedontaskwhatswrong_

"Eh, are you ok?"

Coby nodded quickly and quickly opened his mouth to derail the conversation.

"Ah, its nothing. W-Why don't you, um you know, tell me about some of your adventures? It has been a while since we seen each other you know."

Luffy's concerned look quickly turned into a smile- _so goddamn bright-_ as he started retelling one of his crazy adventures with his crew.

Coby pushed back the negative thoughts and laughed along Luffy and shook his head as Luffy began retelling the most outrageous stories.

Luffy's stories were mostly enjoyable. Until Luffy recited what happened back at Fishman Island. It finally hit Coby. Luffy could die. Luffy could actually _die_ and he wouldn't even know until it was late. And what would he do after? How could he live himself knowing that this man- _who you love so much_ -could die and he couldn't do anything about it?

How would Luffy feel? If Coby was killed during a skirmish with some pirate? Would he be sad? Angry that he wasn't there? Coby would like to think so.

He then thought about Marineford. On how Akainu would have killed him. Murder him. Put a whole through his body just like he did Fire Fist Ace. Ace. Luffy's brother. Who the World Government murdered in cold blood in the name of justice.

That's the worst part, isn't it? That Coby sits here and calls Luffy his friend- _friend? ha!_ \- while he's part of the same institution that had his brother killed. To this day he is ashamed on how the Navy handled Fire Fist's death. Ashamed that Luffy had to watch his brother die the way that he did.

So how can Luffy sit here and laugh with him? Sit here and talk about him joining his crew and going on adventures together? How doesn't Luffy stand the sight of him?

 _You know why_

It's because Luffy is just that that way. Luffy isn't a hateful person. And Luffy doesn't blame him for anything. Even if he should.

Time passed and after Luffy told every ridiculous story under the sun about him and his crew. And they both decided that it was finally time for them to part ways.

"My crew is probably looking for me," Luffy had a sly smile as he spoke, "I should get going."

Luffy stood up from the ground and stretched his arms. He then held out his hand to help Coby get up as well. For Coby to grab onto. Which Coby gladly did.

Luffy had on that smile of his again.

"Next time we see each other we'll both be stronger. And we'll probably have to fight each other."

Coby smiled and nodded despite the tight clenching around his heart.

"I can't wait for us to meet again Coby!" Luffy exclaimed as he turned to walk back to the island's docks. Back to his ship. Back to his crew. Back to his life.

Coby wanted so hard to call out to him. To reach out and say something or do something.

 _Kiss him! hug him! call out his name one more time! anything!_

But Luffy was already a figure in the distance. Gone. Out of reach.

It isn't so surprising. Coby was always afraid to do anything. Too afraid to chase after what he really wanted. He would have never left Alvida ship and join the marines if it wasn't for Luffy. Luffy who was so brave from the beginning. Who's willing to do anything for his dream and ambition. Luffy who is so much better than him. Luffy who is so far ahead. How will Coby ever catch up to him? That's all he wants really. To stand side by side with him. But he can't. Not yet. Not ever.

Coby wants to cry. Tears threaten to slip out. But he kept them at bay.

 _C'mon Coby. Gotta get moving. You still have a lifetime of pretending to do_

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 **Damn, it's been a while since I posted anything on here. I'm not dead guys so don't worry. I just been pretty busy and had a really bad case of wrier's block. But I'm back to grace you with a really angsty Coby fanfic. It was supposed to be a cute fluff filled Luffy/Coby fic. But I can't write anything happy for the life of me. There's an odd lack of Coby fanfics here in general so I'm here to contribute. Anyways, see you guys around.**

 **Review, Please**

 **\- Tatiana**


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